Sex on bunks, nudity, and poop in unusual places …
I’ve been on the road for 8 weeks now, which means a lot of time in hostels. It’s quite different to the first time I did a big trip (at 21) though. Sites like booking.com and hostelworld didn’t exist. You rocked up, sometimes guided by your trusty lonely planet, and crossed everything they had a bed, that wasn’t dirty and packed with too many beds or idiots.
It seems like the rite of passage in staying in a shitty hostel is made less … well … shitty, with the choice of beds that suit your taste, and online reviews to boost booking confidence.
Hostels are still packed with complete nincompoops though.
It’s been a riot asking you guys what NOT to do in a hostel, with much amusement on facebook threads, you’ve really had to deal with some complete nutters!
So, in the spirit of shared suffering for sake of education, here’s the top 6 ways you said to NOT be a dick in a hostel:
#1 SEX
This might be a no brainer, but people don’t generally appreciate the sounds of strangers shagging in the same room. Let alone shaking their bunk till the screws come loose.
The top response was definitely about sex,. sex in bunks, sex in communal showers, sex in closets. Sure, travelling and having a cheeky shag with another adventurer is exciting but nobody else actually wants to hear about it.
DON’T have sex around others who don’t consent to it. Simple.
Same goes for having a wank/pull/tug … don’t be a wanker.
#2 NOISE
This is Marcello. He comes into dorms at 2am shouting. Don’t be like Marcello.
It’s a fact of life that dorm rooms and hostels can be noisy places. People are definitely going to stumble in rat-faced at ungodly hours trying to be quiet and failing miserably. There are a few ways to not be so damn annoying though.
DO pack the night before. No one wants to hear you rustling in the dark with your plastic bags at 6am frantically trying to make your flight.
DON’T ask all your mates back to your dorm at 3am and play loud music, ignoring people trying to sleep.
DON’T answer your phone at 7am and assume everyone will be cool with your conversation back home to mum.
DO provide earplugs to the other guests if your snore could wake a deaf person, or get a room to yourself.
#3 SPACE
Before Alex got here, this was a perfectly clean room.
Chances are you’re going to have to share a room with four or more people at some point. Just like when you were 5, you are going to have to learn to share.
DON’T leave your shit everywhere.
DO remember your mum doesn’t live here, she’s not going to clean up after you.
DON’T act like everyone is out to steal your shit, you’re sharing a space, don’t share your anxiety.
#4 HYGIENE
Toenails make me gag, finding this pic was highly risky for me.
This kind of adds on from space, but is way grosser. You’d think I wouldn’t have to write this but …
DON’T cut your toenails in the shared meal rooms, or any shared room.
DON’T leave your stanky ass underwear on anyone’s bed, or in the shower.
DO cover your mouth or get a room to yourself if you’re harbouring the latest viral plague.
DO remember that if your shoes stink, leaving them under the only window isn’t very neighbourly.
DO remember to shower at some point. No one wants to smell that.
#5 Nudity
Also see point #1. Don’t let everyone see your bare arse if they don’t want to.
This doesn’t apply to communal showers in Europe, where it’s perfectly acceptable to shower then dress amongst others. This refers to walking around your mixed gender hostel room, air drying your junk and trunk, leaning up against the furniture and making eye contact with others.
DON’T be a nude creep.
#6 POOP
Seriously. WTF is it about hostels that makes people lose their shit? Literally?
It could be the food, the alcohol, the excitement of being away from home or a perfect storm of all three, but so many people had a comment about poop.
Poop smells, poop in weird places, poop noises.
DON’T poop anywhere other the toilet, and when it’s stanky, make sure that it flushes or light a goddamn match!
There you have it. What can you add to the DOs and DON’Ts?
Now go forth and don’t be a d*ck in hostels. Lest you incur the wrath of the internet and lifelong shame 😀
The Hungry Ginger 
YES to all of them. I’ve been extremely lucky to not have very bad experiences in hostels. Then again, it might still come…
Always a possibility!
Hahahah this is great!! People really poop in places other than the toilet? Oh goodness!
Yes to all of these. I’d add: if you’re going to get so drunk you throw up, at least do it in the bathroom (and not on the person in the bunk below you).
omfg GROSS