It’s been a while since I wrote anything. Life … has been pretty busy, I broke my ankle a few months ago, actual work has been extremely demanding and my dog ate my homework, which is really strange cos I have a cat. So when I received a message on facebook from a follower stating that I had 7 days to eat something strange or huge or they would leave, I realised how long it had been between eats. Also that I’ve been neglecting my readers, followers and creativity.

I’ve been trying out some of Melbourne’s hottest chicken wings over the last 6 months, just for fun, so when the aforementioned reader suggested I try the Trunk “Stupid Hot Wings” I was thrilled with the idea! Heck I’d ‘smashed’ the Belle’s Hot Chicken “Really F**cking Hot Wings” and the Mook Ji Bar Real Hot Chicken “Very Spicy” wings (more on those later) and was still alive, how hard could they be?

… Avid long term readers take note. It has taken me this long to get over my previous Chicken Wing attempt *shudder*. Let’s not dwell in the past hey?

Onto these chicken wings. For the TL:DR version, they are jerk wings. They are spicy, nasty hot jerks. The kind of hot that sits in your mouth like a tiny jerk person poking a flaming jerk torch into your gums and injecting molten jerk lava into your tongue.

I had already dismissed most comments from people on Facebook like “I lost two mates from my bucks party because of those wings” and “you’re going to die” – cos I’m tough *flex* – but I should have known something was off when the waitress told me that I should probably eat my meal before having the wings as (and I quote) “most people really can’t eat after these”

I’d rather let this video tell you the tale of the first bite … Though I have many choice things to say about how these “stupid” wings made me feel, I think my tears will probably convey the deeper emotions:

The part where I freak out over something falling out of my mouth … that was drool. I drooled cos my mouth started to make uncontrollable amounts of saliva. Sexy.

I’m pretty sure these wings are basted in something like “Blairs Mega Death” sauce. Which I have at home and refuse to eat without mixing it into another sauce for some kick. I’ve never attempted it straight in a large amount, well until now. I’ve touched base with Trunk to find out what they use and will update you.

I’d like to say I attacked wing two (who the heck orders TWO?!) with gusto, but it was more with a sense of intense trepidation and fear … you’ll see. Also don’t believe me when I say “they’re not that challenging … I lied”:

So how do they rate compared to other wings I’ve tried, here’s my summary:

TRUNK STUPID “My gums are bleeding” HOT WINGS: Tasty on the first bite which is quickly killed with intense burning wherever the sauce hits. Presumed doused in some sort of death sauce then grilled. Quite tender actually but pointlessly nice in the face of much pain. The heat does die down fairly quickly then lingers as a tingle for a few hours. The aftermath is also not pretty. At. All. Heat rating 9/10, Tasty rating (sorry it’s the burning) 5/10, Ring of Fire rating 12/10.

Recommended for – People wanting to challenge their mates and laugh at their demise.

BELLES REALLY F**KING HOT WINGS: Great southern fried chicken flavour. The heat builds up fairly slowly so you can taste the flavour first but then it really hits you and makes you experience a full blown runny nosed, eye watering and mouth tingling fever. Dies down pretty quickly though so you can go back for more. Apparently not as hot as they used to be. Heat rating 7/10. Tasty rating 9/10, Ring of Fire rating 4/10.

Recommended for – To challenge your limits of spice and if you really like southern spices like lots of cayenne pepper.

MOOK JI REAL HOT CHICKEN WINGS: These are Korean Fried Chicken (KFC), deliciously sticky, spicy morsels of chicken goodness. Order the “Very spicy” … they don’t lie, they are UBER spicy, they will also look at you like you’re insane. The flavour hits you first and is impeccably fragrant and intense, but then so does the spice, which slaps you in the face like a brick laden with UFC chilli fighters. I cried like a baby, then went back for more. Heat rating 10/10, Tasty rating 10/10, Ring of Fire rating 10/10 (ouch).

Recommended for – Those people who love KFC and spice! Or melting their face off.

I’m yet to try Crazy Wing which I’m assured is similar to how the Stupid Hot Wings are. I think I can wait.